Divorce Mediation

What is Divorce Mediation?

Divorce mediation is a voluntary and confidential process in which you and your partner negotiate the terms of your separation/divorce with the help of a neutral party known as a mediator. The two of you will talk about what is most important to you as you come to agreements about custody, parenting, division of assets, spousal maintenance (alimony), child support, care for pets, future communication, and more. I will draw up a Memorandum of Understanding, which can be turned into a binding marital settlement agreement.

Why choose Divorce Mediation?

In most cases, mediation is cheaper, faster, and less painful than fighting in court. It offers more flexibility and opportunity for cooperation and often leads to more durable agreements. While you may not be able to avoid all the pain of divorce, mediation gives you a measure of control over your future. Additionally, if you and your soon-to-be ex-partner are finding it difficult to communicate productively and reach mutually acceptable agreements, I will help you overcome these obstacles.

Is there such a thing as a better divorce?

Divorce is hard no matter how you go through it. Mediation does not make it easy, but it does give you something litigation rarely does: a say in how your own life gets restructured. The agreements you reach are ones you actually participated in making, which means they tend to hold up better over time and leave less bitterness in their wake. For many people, there is also something meaningful about making these decisions together with someone who has played an important part in their life, rather than handing that process over to a legal system that too often turns people into bitter adversaries. If children are involved, how you treat each other through this process tends to set the tone for what follows.

What if my spouse is not on board?

That is one of the most common concerns I hear. The honest answer is that mediation requires both people to be willing to try. But willing to try is a lower bar than fully on board. Many people come into their first session skeptical or reluctant and find that the process works better than they expected. As part of my standard process, I speak with each spouse separately before we begin, so your spouse will have a chance to ask questions and decide for themselves whether they want to move forward. I have also put together a brief document specifically for spouses who are hearing about mediation for the first time. Feel free to ask me for a copy.

What if I wish to consult a lawyer AND mediate?

You do not need a lawyer to begin the mediation process. However, entering into mediation does not preclude your retaining legal representation or working with other professionals, such as counselors, therapists, accountants, advocates, etc. In fact, if at some point during the mediation process you have questions about your rights or the choices in front of you - or you simply need additional help - I will suggest that you consult with the appropriate professional so that you are capable of making decisions that work for you and help you reach the best possible outcome for you and your children. I recommend that you obtain independent legal representation before signing any agreement.

What is your mediation style?

By conducting a free initial consultation, we will figure out whether I am the right mediator for you. Here are some thoughts about my approach to mediation:

I will not pick sides. I am on BOTH of your sides, and anytime there are children involved, I am on their side too.
I will honor your choices and let you lead the way. At the same time, I will guide the mediation process, help you explore options, and help the two of you work through areas where you are stuck.
I am not afraid of meaningful conflict or strong emotions. I will let you express what you need to express. At the same time, I will work to ensure that our conversations are productive and move the process forward.
I believe in transparency. I will be clear with you about the mediation process, my fees, and my reasons for doing what I am doing. I will answer any questions you have. I require full disclosure from you about assets and anything else that we need to discuss for the mediation to be fair and lead to durable agreements.
I believe people going through divorce are best served by a team of supportive professionals. While I cannot make decisions about advisors for you, I am happy to connect you with therapists, financial advisors, attorneys, and other resources when it seems like they might help.

Can mediation be more than just dividing things up?

For some people, the goal is straightforward: reach fair agreements and move on. That is a perfectly legitimate way to approach the process, and mediation serves that goal well. For others, the work goes deeper. Some people come to mediation wanting to think carefully not just about the practical details but also about how they want to treat each other going forward, especially when children are involved. I think of this as intentional divorce: making conscious choices about how you move through one of the hardest transitions of your life. If that resonates with you, we can talk about what that might look like in your situation.